i haven’t blogged in awhile, but i haven’t quit either. i’ve been very busy travelling and packing for our move this weekend. i’ve also had another random injury/noninjury that’s been keeping me from doing much exercising lately. fortunately, i haven’t gained anything over the past month that all this has been going on. i’m talking with the doctor again tomorrow, and i’m hoping we can move past the sprained ankle theory and find out what’s really wrong and how we can fix it. i plan on getting back into meal planning and better calorie counting once we get moved into our new place, and hopefully entirely back into pain-free exercising soon.

lately i’ve been reading a lot of dieting blogs and websites. many of them are inspiring and motivating, and it’s nice to know i’m not alone. at the same time, i like to keep what i read from actual people losing weight who aren’t promoting something and aren’t after a profit.

i happened upon diseaseproof.com while reading posts on “this is why you’re thin.” at first glance, it seemed like a great blog to add to my health rss feeds. after reading it for a few weeks, i’ve come to realize that it’s really just promoting another weightloss program that may or may not work.

this post especially shows their true colors. the post is about how multivitamins probably don’t have much benefit, and my even be harmful. and then they stick in a plug for their own multivitamins. wait…what? how does that work? i didn’t realize that bashing something and then turning around and selling it was an effective sales technique. i made a comment to that effect on the post, but it was never published. surprise, surprise!

basically, watch out for the author’s intentions when you’re looking for motivation and support. you don’t need to pay for a program to lose weight. you can do it all on your own, and there are lots of free online tools to help you do it; here are a few: sparkpeople, physics diet, fitday, gyminee, traineo

i was reading recently that most people quit weight loss programs within six months, but those who don’t have an easier time keeping it off. (i can’t find my source, so you’ll have to trust me. or it could be a big lie, whichever tickles your fancy.) my six months was on march 28. i had planned on doing this big “look at how awesome i am!” post on march 28, but that date has, obviously, come and gone.

i started off march doing really well; i lost about 3 pounds the first week and half. and then i was gone every weekend that month either helping with a wedding (for a friend, calm down), or out of town for the sacramento lindy exchange. and i really didn’t care about what i ate for about 3 weeks and ergo gained about a two pounds back.

right around march 28, i realized that i had to make a conscious choice: i could give up and not care about what i ate or whether or not i sat and watched tv for hours every day. or i could get back on track, make a meal plan, track my calories, and really start exercising again. i seriously pondered this for a few days. plan a is certainly easier, but is it really what i wanted to do?

up until september, i think that my being obese was not a conscious choice. sure, i decided what i put into my mouth and whether or not i got up and really moved, but i didn’t really think about the consequences of it. if i had to buy bigger clothes, so be it. it’s just something that happens in life, and hey, new clothes!

what i came to realize was that i’ve really changed in the past six months. i haven’t lost as much weight as i wanted to have lost at this point, but still, 20 pounds is 20 pounds. that’s pretty cool. and i don’t ever want to have those 20 pounds back. i feel tons better after i exercise and eat well, and i feel horrid if i don’t. so i decided to keep on going and pushing towards a healthier me. even if it takes years to get there, i’ll get there.

i read this awesome quote today from lyn on escape from obesity:

I don’t want to be a slave to my desires. I don’t want some stupid food to dictate my life. To tell me how big I will get, whether I’ll be able to walk in a year, whether I will have a heart attack before I am 50. I don’t want to turn over my ability to play with my kids or fit into my clothing to an ice cream bar.

amazing, no? i’m going to put that on my wall, along with the definition of food (thanks to yell at your fat), and a quote to seek after things of eternal consequence from elder bednar from april 2009 conference.

oh! if you’re not listening to yell at your fat, you should be. go check it out on itunes. seriously. right now. she’s a little off the wall, but absolutely fantastic, and incredibly motivating. i’m pretty sure i would have given up during my 3-week hiatus were it not for her.

grateful for:

1. conference/continuing revelation from God
2. supportive family, friends, and coworkers who keep me motivated & honest
3. yell at your fat
4. i ran/walked 2.5 miles yesterday without shin pain
5. being back in a structured swim program is fantastic
6. i didn’t give up!

after all the whining i did last week, a lot of things have really turned around.

for one (if you haven’t heard it yet):

accepted to grad school!

i think i’m still a little euphoric about that. okay that’s a lie: i’m SO excited to go back to school in the fall! i know it’ll be hard, but definitely worth it.

two: i chatted with my dietician, and she set me straight about what was going wrong. basically, i can’t really eat more than 2000 cal/day anymore. i used to be able to go up to 2200-2300 and still lose, but not anymore. really, that’s a good thing, because it means that my weight has gone down (yay) and i don’t need that much energy anymore. after that, i’ve been more vigilant about keeping my calories below 2000, and it’s really given me results.

three: my back is no longer hurting me anymore. i have no idea what i did to it, but after the shin splint debacle last monday my back started killing me. i went swimming on tuesday, which probably was a bad idea, and that was the last time i exercised.  on sunday i asked my home teachers to come over and give me a blessing, and the next day i felt so much better. i’m so grateful that i’ve got good, worthy home teachers who are able to help out when i need them to.

the doctor says i can go back slowly now and to be sure that i do exercises to strenghten my back. but despite the no exercise i’ve still been losing weight. happiness.

the opera audition was okay, but not great. i’m pretty sure that i was sharp in one section, and i was crazy nervous and i’m sure it showed in a bad way. but who cares? i got into grad school so i can’t do the opera anyway!

and! i’m taking a glass blowing class, which is amazing. i’m horrible at it, but that’s okay because i’m learning.

daily gratitudes:
1. the gospel
2. health
3. education
3. family & friends

why is my body fighting this so hard? doesn’t it know that this is good? and that ultimately i will win? i always win. hear that, body? you will lose this fight to be fat.

one thing i’ve learned in my life is that the most worthwhile things often involve the most opposition.

i went running again yesterday. really, i just walked. whenever i tried running my body started screaming bloody murder. i happened to run into my roommate at the track and she thinks i’ve got shin splints, especially since my ability to run has steadily gotten worse over the past week. she thinks i need to take a break from running for a bit and then (1) do some crazy amount of weird yoga stretching after warming up, especially my toes. i have been neglecting stretching my toes; i don’t mean to practice toe discrimination (2) ice my legs when i’m done running and (3) probably get new shoes.

i’ll admit that my shoes are pretty cheap, but i just don’t want to spend the money on new running shoes when i could get new pretty shoes. or makeup. but i know it’s good for me so whatever. i’ll do it. i’ll go into a running store and feel all sorts of out of place and find some new shoes that don’t make me want to hack of my legs whenever i try to do something good for myself.

in other news, an old roommate of mine reminded me that i shouldn’t forget i’ve got PCOS and to consider how that might be affecting things. so i think i’m really going to do some meal plans following the insulin resistance diet, whenever i get the time. (did i mention i’m super busy? i’m auditioning for opera san jose chorus & taking a glass blowing class, so my time is quite limited. i need to rethink my priorities i think.)

i’ve been whining a ton lately, so sorry about that. here’s some things i’m grateful for, inspired by Natasha

1. roommates and friends who encourage me to keep on keepin’ on
2. i haven’t given up yet!
3. i’m not exhausted this week (so far)

i hate these phases that i go through when i have no idea if i’m exercising too much/too little, eating too much/too little, still exhausted most days. one week i tried exercising less: no progress. last week i tried exercising more: no progress. i could blame the trail mix that my dietician gave me permission to eat, or i could blame my roommates for cooking high-fat meals on their days. or i could be building muscle (ha!) even though my measurements aren’t changing. or it could be that i am making bad decisions on what i eat. i really need to get a handle on this and get serious about what i’m eating again.

this week’s plan:
1. for serious stick to <2000 calories/day
2. ask roommies for recipes so i can better keep track of what i’m eating
3. take pictures of what i eat?
4. run mwf, swim  t th, bike(?) sat, yoga sun
5. prep for bed 9:30 pm, in bed by 10 pm

today was the first time that i ran my c25k program outside on the track. and let me tell you, elliptical machines lie to you! here i thought i was doing pretty darn good, getting healthier and feeling up to running, and i was wrong. dead wrong. it was not fun. at all. it probably didn’t help that i started at week 2, but i barely made it through the program. i was out of breath, my knees were bothering me some, and my shins and ankles were complaining too. i stopped jogging a bit early for some of the segments, but i’m convinced that the podcast i was listening to was a little inaccurate on when to start and stop running. plus i forgot my water bottle so i was way dehydrated by the time i was done with the run.

theoretically i’m supposed to start week 3 next week, but i think i’m going to repeat week 2 so i don’t give myself a heart attack from trying too hard.

Last night I started the Couch to 5k program. I wanted to run outside on Stanford’s track, but it was a bit chilly and I didn’t have warm running clothes, so I ran on the elliptical instead. It’s a half-hour program with 5 minute warm up and cool down, with alternating 60-second runs and 90 second walks. Results: easy-peasy; probably too easy for me. It’ll be more difficult on the track, but if I’m running on the elliptical I might skip ahead a week or two until it gets challenging.

when i started this whole get-healthy thing back in september, i set a goal weight for myself of 260 by christmas. sort of a christmas present to myself. well, life happens, and i didn’t make it. however, yesterday i finally saw 260 on the scale. i’m so happy about that.

here are some before & today pictures: sorry they’re only head shots, but that’s really where you can tell the most difference. i might put up more later this week.

before

taken june 2008

today

taken feb 9 2009

Stats:
starting weight (9/23/08): 278.5
current weight (2/08/09): 260.4
interim goal weight: 240 (by July 30)
final(ish) goal weight: 175

yeah, i’m trying to run. crazy, huh? my first go was last thursday after i killed myself on the stairmaster (i did not stop for the entire 20 minutes). one of the treadmills at the gym was open, so i hopped on and went for a jog. but after a couple minutes my shins started hurting so bad i had to slow down to a walk. i tried running again a few more times, but it still hurt. i don’t think it’s shin splints though, because the pain went away fairly quickly.

despite this, i went over to the track today and walked/jogged a mile (again after i had already spent 20 minutes on the stairmaster). it wasn’t so bad. my shins didn’t hurt, but my side did for a bit. and i did run out of breath pretty quickly. pretty much, it was just like highschool p.e. except i wasn’t being yelled at at 7 am by a p.e. teacher who had already drank a keg of caffeine by the time we go to class.

anyway, i am going to keep up the running, and i think i’ll start doing the couch to 5k program to help me run harder, better, faster, stronger.

starting weight (9/23/08): 278.5
current weight (2/02/09): 264
interim goal weight: 260
final(ish) goal weight: 175